Rejection Notices

It's not getting the notice in the mail, the manila envelope waiting for me in the box, addressed to me in my own handwriting--a sure sign the story has not found it's future home in publication--that creates the tension in my day. By the time I get it back, I have been expecting to see it for days, and honestly hoping for its return so the trial period of wait can be over, my wait is over; it's returned from its journey away from me and I am happy to have it back in my hands. You see, it's worse to be kept waiting than to find out it's been rejected. The tension comes at the next stage, when once again I have to battle the fields of literary journals, and find some new place to send it off to, starting the whole damn process all over again. That is the most difficult part (after actually getting the story done). I get uptight at the task. "Where to next?" Ugh, the cycle. You must continue, you must spin it out to the strangers once again. I am particular, too. After all, I only want it to be placed in a magazine I myself am fond of reading. So, the usual cycle, I start with my favorites. I have gotten positive response before (even so far that the Fiction Editor for Swink actually contacted me for an electronic version, but then rejected it) and then the list goes down. I have no real publishing experience, have won a couple of awards (a couple of years ago, including third place in the annual Seventeen magazine fiction contest) and was published in all the on campus journals and magazines at BSU, but past is past and that is quite a way into the past. Now, I am in the beginning stages of what I hope to be my "Fiction Writing Career" with no actual credits for my work.

So here I am, nervous about sending it out to the "right" place; for the most often received comment when a story doesn't "fit" somewhere, is that the story wasn't "right" for "them"--which always leaves me feeling confused, since these are magazines I read and enjoy and look for some kind of honesty and realization in the stories that I hope to convey in my own. So, in some unknown way I am not "right" for their journal--which then brings in to question my ability to fit in to the pages of any of the journals I like. What are they looking for then? And how can I tell if it's a book I belong in?

Keep researching, keep reading, keep sending it all on out.

When I'm trying not to think

I teach a workshop at the Writers Center. It's for teens, and I spend 2 hours a week giving them writing prompts and helping them cultivate ideas and trying to convince them of the importance of reading (You would be surprised how many teens are interested in writing, but read NOTHING). So, this is a work of mine based on one of these sessions. This is a freewrite, but more than that--I really worked to turn my mind off so that there was actually no thinking involved at all in this--strictly one word connected to the other. No sense making, but still kind of weird and interesting...

And this is also done with no correction for grammar etc

The prompt: In a state of disarray...

The green dream has run off with the cowbells and the girls are all wearing pantyhouse without hearts in them

how could we go any further or faster than what's scraped from boots and scattered out from ordinary A cadence becomes bashful and lips crackle like a minefield in the hot white light of the afternoon

we were given for nothing a meat piece to grind our minds on while out of the scours the enemy was wet with blankets and lemon cheers He couldn't answer for the caterpillar or the region of the filthy lillies and

the alligators regurgitate with purpose the science of time the outline of an imbecile wet and wailing at the window she dropped it with the bin and the credit card bills blew it up with the garbage and grandma's antique broken lamp when the eyes slide sideways wash without knowing or feeling you'll always drive desire into the pit. The teeth will watch like bitter snails the way the lace yellow of your trimmed fat and all reports are bare

jump cause or the slip is golden and the brutal canvas of monotony will manifest with breakfast It isn't about neutrality legality is all a bounty for the hun hold your breath and count before the meat maker comes across satelite the backyard party was announced by midnight like a clock has thought emotion breath exit exists exists exits

Arguments for a Carbon-Free Future

In case you didn't hear, Gore made a speech in Washington today beseeching the political community to take action towards a plan to make the US 100% carbon energy free by ten years time.

He appealed his case by beginning with his perception that: "The survival of the United States of America as we know it is at risk I don't remember a time in our country when so many things seemed to be going so wrong simultaneously," Gore said. He referenced current rising gas prices, mortgage problems, war, expendable income and even weather. It is Gore's stance the USA's over-reliance on carbon based fuels are the core of the economic, environmental and national security challenges. National security will no longer just be concerned with bad relations in the Middle East, but the world will be left under pressure to take care of what he refers to "Climate Refugees".

At this point most of the country would probably agree the economic difficulties now experienced in every day life are a result of reliance on other country's rising need for the same fuels we have always used for our daily energy needs. Gore argues where before people legislators might have used expense as an excuse NOT to convert to renewable resources, with further technological advancements the price comes down dramatically.

He argues: "To those who say the costs are still too high: I ask them to consider whether the cost of oil and coal will ever stop increasing if we keep relying on quickly depleting energy sources to feed a rapidly growing demand all around the world."

There is an underlying tone that if the USA is really a World Leader, then why haven't we come to bat for the future and instead keep relying on out-dated technology in this area. He does reference the UN Summit on Climate Change in Copenhagen in 2009, where the Copenhagen Climate Council hopes to present a plan to the UN to make the whole world community drastically less reliant on carbon-based energy. He dares the USA to stand up there and make a commitment, saying we are the ones with the power to change history. To bring this point home he speaks of JFK's commitment to put a man on the moon in ten years, a goal which accomplished before the deadline. He shares a memory of watching the space shuttle take off and paints it as a magical moment in United States History, and a great advance in US science and technology.

Besides rising energy costs, crashing mortgage prices, bank closures, bankruptcies in corporate America, damage to the auto industry and job-loss, he speaks to environmental loss as well. He shares a statistic that Naval scientists now predict the Polar ice caps will melt completely over summers in five years from now. He quites that for every one degree increase in global temperature each year results in a ten percent increase in lightening strikes.

We see the massive wildfires on the news from Big Sur to the Everglades. The Midwest was ravaged by rain, floods and tornadoes. Hear about huge Earthquakes in China and Japan, the massive storm damage in Myanmar. Perhaps this could be called the summer of disasters. Remember how shocking it was to watch New Orleans fall below the flood waters after Katrina, to watch the victims of the 2005 Tsunami in Indonesia? Media, celebrities, politicians and the people sent donations and kept glued to the stories of hardship. Now when these natural disasters occur, have they just become a part of the same ol' same old? Have they lost impact? And as the summer passes and the winter comes and next year the weather becomes even more chaotic, will we be numb to it?

Sometimes I do sit and daydream about the future of the world if the path of Climate Change is not alter, and in truth I am not at all convinced we are 100% capable of changing the future of the environment, but cleaner air and safer water and less pollutants can't ever be a bad accomplishment, even if it doesn't save the globe.

What would the world be? With no stable atmosphere for us to live in safely, a sun that burns with cancer and storms that rage constantly. Perhaps the surface of the Earth will become completely uninhabitable and humankind will be forced to go underground, create cities of tunnels and dinners out of microorganisms. Do we have the technology to sustain ourselves and our lives if our climate were to become drastically altered? Carbon-free energy sources would certainly be helpful if we come to a future where our Earth is a completely hostile environment. To continue to rely on old and out-dated technologies proven to be destructive to the life of our home and planet is to commit a hostile act.

For more info on Gore's proposal and what your state is doing to help the environment go to http://www.wecansolveit.org/

To read Gore's complete speech:

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2008/images/07/17/climate.speech.pdf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idlJDcr669o

Who is Marina Abramovic and Why am I Obsessed with Her?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9-HVwEbdCo

Click on link to watch performacne this still is from.

This is a piece called "Rhythm 10"

Marina Abramovic was born in Yugoslavia in 1946. She uses her body to create her art and claims to "test the physical and spiritual limits of herself through her art" with the focus on Transformation of body, mind and soul. She has cut herself for a performance, caught on fire, sat cleaning 1500 cattle bones with her bare hands in front of her audience, entwined herself in snakes, masturbated beneath the stage. She began performing in the 70's and for several years performed in tandem with her lover, a German named Ulay (for example an exhibit called: Breathe In/Breathe Out, where the two sat cross-legged in front of each other and breathed in and out of each others mouths, never refreshing the breath, until they passed out).

In the sixth season of Sex and the City they referenced her exhibit House with an Ocean View she had performed in 2002 in NYC, fasting and living in full view of the public (including showers and toilet) for twelve days with no break. This performance won her the New York Dance and Performance Award. In 2005 she performed for seven days at The Guggenheim, a series of performances by other artists she admired. She performed their works with their permission. For the list: http://www.guggenheim.org/exhibitions/abramovic/

Yum yum Veggie Borscht

Rachel’s Scrumptious Detox Summer Vegetarian Borscht

This recipe is a modified version of the Ukrainian Borscht my Grandmother used to make. It is based on root vegetables, which help to Detox and clarify the system. It is perfect for summer, when many of the ingredients are at the height of their season. Look for fresh organic products which have no mushy dark patches.

4 medium fresh beets
3 medium carrots
2 medium turnips
2 medium gold potatoes
2 stalks green onion
½ head of small-medium green cabbage
6 baby portabellas
1/2 cup of crushed tomatoes
juice from ½ a lemon
several sprigs of fresh dill
4 cups low sodium vegetable broth
4 cups water
fresh garlic chopped, to taste
salt to taste
dash of cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons of ghee (Ayurvedic clarified butter)
2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar


Wash and scrub all vegetables clean

Cut root and stems from beets and boil in a quart of water with a dash of apple cider vinegar boil on the stove for 45 minutes, until the skin is soft and can be peeled off. Watch out! Deep purple stains may result from sloppiness

While the beets are boiling, pour vegetable broth into large soup pot, to put root vegetables in as they are chopped. Cut ends and skin the turnips, dice into small squares. Leave potato skin on or off, dice into small squares and add to the pot of broth with the turnips. Peel and slice carrots and add, squeeze juice of half a lemon, add 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar, and put to the side.

Slice mushrooms and chop green onions and set to the side in another dish, these will be added later.

After 45 minutes, remove beets from boil and run under cold water to cool. Using the peeler, scrape the skin off so the deep soft purple meat is exposed. Chop into small squares and add to the soup pot. Put the pot on a low simmer and add the 4 cups of water and the crushed tomato.

Chop the cabbage and add to the simmering pot, add the ghee, garlic, cayenne and salt. Break up fresh dill to taste and add to the pot, stir in. Allow the mixture to simmer covered for 1 hour.

Root vegetables should be getting soft. Add the chopped mushrooms and green onion and allow to simmer for another 45 minutes.
Cool to tongue; serve with a small dollop of low-fat organic sour cream on top garnished with fresh dill sprigs.

Yum!

An Old Adage

If only I had managed to check my email before the weekend...

I subscribe to this "Thought for the day" message from the Napoleon Hill Foundation. It reminds me to have focus on goals and results and positivity in life, and not get dragged down into the little trenches of everyday. Now, I don't subscribe to the message because I don't have this in my daily life, but because I think it is important to have this constant reminder. It's easy to be driving in the car and feel a random fit of range about the VW Bug in front of you refusing to pull up while she waits for her parking space, and you only want to get out of the parking lot! But oh want a lot of wasted energy. Ask my boyfriend, Matt; I will constantly be the one reminding, "don't shoot off all that negative energy into my space" if he's having a particularly angsty moment about an employer, co-worker or customer. I worked in Customer Service for years, believe me I know what a pain they can be, and all that angst can really leave you drained for the whole day, and all on something you are not able to control: somebody else's actions.

So, I was bitterly reminded of breaking my own code over the weekend, when my email from the Napoleon Hill Foundation reminded me, "IT IS ALWAYS SAFE TO TALK ABOUT OTHERS AS LONG AS YOU SPEAK OF THEIR GOOD QUALITIES", i.e. the good old saying, "if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all."


Damn, escapes my lips. I have already been feeling guilty, and here is my own email reminding me of the shame!


Over the weekend Matt's brother had a party for to celebrate our Independence, but the party was on the 5th (not the 4th). Anyway, it was good times with lots of his family and their friends and I was there mingling and trying to meet and get to know all these people I haven't met or I don't know... I met his Aunt, spoke more with his mother, met friends of his brother's that were visiting from St. Louis just for the event--people that had been in the guy's wedding. It was a party: there was lots of beer, fireworks, juicy pork ribs, more beer, which as the evening went on late, turned into shots. As the night moves along, a couple of people there (really us ladies, being oh so catty) start mentioning to me, "What is up with his wife?" referring to Matt's sister in-law, who he swears has just that day spoken to him like a real person.


Now, she is generally viewed as having a bit of a chilly shoulder to her, but over the past several months I have really tried to get her to engage in conversation, get comfortable, after all, she may be my family one day! But I was so bitter with myself when I realized that quite a long part of the evening was spent in a bitch fest about her "cooler" qualities and analysis about why she is the way she is.

Much of it was spurned on my side by her addressing Matt with a cold tone saying, "So, are you and Rachel going to spend the night?" as a means of saying, when are you leaving? I guess in my head two ideas exploded: 1.it's a party with friends from out of town and it's not yet midnight, 2. she isn't asking because she is actually asking us if we need a place to crash, considering the drinking that's been involved--and if anything, she could at least offer her brother-in-law a safe place to crash!


So, I admit it. I'm guilty. I caved in to the ugly world of talking bad about someone. Not wishing them dead or gone or anything, just exploiting whatever stories I had and manipulating them into a slush pile of details that could only be called mean. And I did this with other people. Nothing like a group of woman and a few too many beers to get them to talk trash.